The first Metrosexual

hahahaha

Pinoy Posts

From my e-mail:

eh standeng pwede?

sabi ko sayo mataray ang landlady natin eh!

kaya pala mamasa-masa si inday...

wow kakagutom!!

pilot: shit mayday!! mayday!!

ay sayang, i'm thirsty pa naman

maam, who's duroy?

potah talaga tong si elvira, spa daw oh!

kaya, wet outside!!

nosebleed...

tamang tama kasya kotse ko dito..

wow parang ako.. sweet din..

expecto patronum!!!

nosebleed ulet...

nosebleed na naman...

exit pwede?

yes seeer!!!

Soap Addict Part 2

From my last post, I’ve discussed the highlights of Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy. Here is the continuation:

Cashmere Mafia

Wow I don’t even know how to start this one. It doesn’t help that the story came from another book by Candace Bushnell, the brains behind Sex and the City. In the first place, I didn’t even care to finish Sex and the City, simply because I got tired of looking at SJP’s face. The stories became very immature, very unrealistic and veeery Carrie-centric (honestly, her character sucked so having stories revolve around her will likewise suck too). Besides, this was the time when TV series with much story depth were up, eg Lost, Desperate Housewives and even Heroes (which can sometimes lull me to sleep).

Ok back to the Cashmere. Hmm, well like the Sex, it has 4 characters with high-end vaginas. Lucy Liu plays Mia Mason a Publisher (I bet she’s the Carrie character here), Miranda Otto plays Juliet Draper a hotel executive (very reminiscent of Charlotte York but not as annoying), Frances O’Connor as Zoe Burden an Investment Executive juggling motherhood with work (hmmm sounds like Miranda) and Bonnie Sommerville as Caitln Dowd a Cosmetics Exec currently experimenting with her sexuality (grand slam Samantha!!).

Highlights:
1. Lucy Liu’s spunk is legendary; therefore it would have been easy to point out highlights of her character, but not so much here. I love here clothes here though. Ahh I remember something funny. It was when she made out with Zoe’s “manny” and she was caught by Zoe smeared lipstick and all.
2. For me, Juliet Draper’s role has more depth from the rest of the main cast. I think the highlight will have to be when she finally broke it off with her philandering serial liar husband.
Zoe’s highlight will have to be when she resigned right there and then right in front of everyone. I wish I could do that one!
3. Caitlin’s highlight – when she was having lunch with the lesbian friends of her current lesbo beau and she hit it off with a cute guy from the bar.

Lipstick Jungle

This series is waay better than Cashmere. The characters have more depth and the show will never remind you of Sex and the City. It stars Brooke Shields as Wendy Healy a Film Studio Executive, Kim Reiver as Nico Reily a Publication Exec, and Lindsay Price as Victory Ford a Fashion Designer.

Highlights:
1. Wendy Healy’s highlights will have to be during the time when Janice Lasher, true to her name, came out to publish her unofficial biography as dictated by her ex-nanny. Janice Lasher is just as annoying and you can’t really help but sympathize with Wendy.
2. Nico Reily gets to have the steamy scenes here. She sleeps with hot Kirby Atwood (Robert Buckley) almost half her age. Kirby is falling in love with her, Nico almost fell but then her boring husband had a heart attack (not after the fact).
3. Victory Ford’s uber rich boyfriend is instrumental to her current life’s highlights. A quickie and a meal in Paris at Coco Chanel’s studio with the view of the Eiffel and dinner with friends in New York.

to be continued...

Pix that makes you go awwww

Got these from an e-mail:

dreaming of my little pony..

shit, I'm totally fucked!

nananaginip ng gising, nakatulala sa hangin...

I'm not actually crying..

&%*$#@&%

have.. to... go... work...
kotong coooppp!!!

boo!

Soap Addict Part 1

Last week, I and my officemates went to Metrowalk for lunch. Of course, I have to pay my skuking DVD booth on the 2nd floor a visit. (I can imagine your placards coming out of nowhere emblazoned with the “No to Piracy!” sign). If it’s any consolation, I only buy TV series on DVD, logically cheaper compared to the original. Anyway, I bought the following:

1. Season 4 of Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy
2. Half seasons (much to my dismay) Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia
3. Will and Grace’s Debra Messing starrer, The Starter Wife and
4. The homo-erotic horror series, Dante’s Cove.

5. ANTM Season 10

In four days, I’ve finished Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Lipstick Jungle, Cashmere Mafia, and ANTM. So here it goes:

Desperate Housewives
Ended with the future. Bree Hodge became a domestic diva ala-Martha Stewart, one of Lynette Scavo’s twins got arrested for a misdemeanor charge, Gabrielle Solis was seen running with an oriental toddler, clearly her adopted daughter and Susan Mayer was seen kissing someone, not his husband but a new character played by Gale Harold from Queer as Folk.

Highlights:
1. Gabby’s mayor husband died from a freak tornado accident. He then remarries her ex-husband Carlos before learning that he will never be seeing again (he is blind, got it?).
2. Bree van de Kamp met her equal in the character of Katherine Mayfair. Their one on one encounters are really very hilarious. Bree broke it off with Orson after learning that he was the one who ran over Mike Delfino by a car, almost killing him.
3. Lynette was finally cancer-free. One memorable moment was when she got high from the “brownies” given to her by her mother. H-I-larious!
4, Susan Mayer was still on her crazy and embarrassing elements. She is pregnant with Mike’s baby, of course.
5. Edie Britt after blackmailing Bree, is finally shut out from their clique. Of course, Edie being very an attention-whore was devastated.

Grey’s Anatomy
I love this season because it’s not proliferated with the tedious and sappy love affair of Meredith and Derek. Though it ended with the most cliché and corniest scene ever, with Derek and Meredith complete with hundreds of candles exchanged saliva of course after a barfing dialogue. As usual, Cristina Yang and Miranda Bailey were both super funny. Alex Karev’s dramatic side was displayed with the introduction of his love affair with Rebecca, remember the lady whose face was destroyed from a major pier accident?

Highlights:
1. George O’Malley and Callie Torres got married. They will later break up because of Izzie Stevens.
2. Callie Torres and Erica Hahn will torridly kiss during the last episodes. Obviously they’re both big old lesbos. Harhar.
3. Alex Karev’s breakdown scene with Izzie was really heart wrenching. He will be deeply emotionally involved with Rebecca while she is suffering from some psychological stuff.
4. Lexie Grey, Meredith’s half-sister is more interesting than Meredith.
5. Cristina Yang is the new nazi. She calls her interns by numbers not by their names.

to be continued...

Quest for that perfect job (preferably with no “blow” attached to it) Part 2

I just came from yet another grueling recruitment process from a big liquor company. I took 5 crazy exams that honed the musculature of my fingers. (Wow how macho naman your fingers). I think the first one was to determine whether the applicant is a pervert who gets a hard-on everytime he sees someone that he desires (with questions such as, do you flirt with someone you are sexually attracted to?, crazy, I tell you). Or it may also want to determine whether I’m a professional free-loader (which I am at a point), bringing office supplies home for personal use (surely they won’t notice my obsession for paper clips?) and or playing computer games at company issued computers (or writing personal blogs during office hours!!! GUILTY!!!!!). The last exam had catapulted my eyebrows up to the penthouse! It was a fill in the blanks exam. One question : If I see a man and a woman together, I (then you supply the answer). WTF! Who cares?! Or another one : My sex life is (you supply the answer). I swear I could’ve added –none of your fucking business! Of course in the interest of being professional, I answered – a very private matter (notwithstanding the fact that I give a blow-by-blow, no pun intended, account to my friends). Another question was : I like my father but (then you fill in the blank). How about answering he’s a motherfuckin’ son of a bitch?

Anyway, I wrote this entry to diss some of the companies that I had bad experiences with specifically when it comes to recruitment. Of course, these are just my personal ramblings ha, this is not to judge any company entirely. Last time, I mentioned how I wasted my time and how I got an impromptu salivary shower from Nestle Philippines (Part 1). This time, I’ll be dissing Fonterra Brands, makers of Anchor and Anlene (remember the hideous commercial with Dina Bonnevie dancing together with middle aged women?). Anyway, here it goes. I took an entire day off so I can visit them with no hassles whatsoever. In fairness to them they were very courteous, it would be such a bummer meeting bitch receptionists, especially if they’re butt ugly. Since I’m currently at a mid-management position already, an achievement that I really worked hard for, I can safely assume that the companies that will invite me for job discussions will be offering me the same or higher positions, except of course if the company or the benefits offered (though for a lower position) are very spectacular. So imagine my dismay when I was offered a position that I have had years back. The HR lady has the audacity to ask me if it’s ok that what they’re offering me is lower from where I am at the moment. Of course affront I said sure no problem. I’m not that bastos naman. But deep inside I’m cursing Fuck I actually wasted gas and parking for this! Look, it’s not as if I’m acting like I’m high and mighty ok. All I’m saying is, so that we won’t waste each other’s time, HR people could at least READ my CV. I think its common sense to assume that a person, who has been handling a group already, doesn’t want to go back career-wise and report to a middle manager. Aargh. I swear I won’t let that happen to me again!

Blood to Dust

Oh my mangled body as it juts through the transparent surface of my drenched clothing! My threads, drenched with the blood of my parents, my ancestors and my forefathers. My pallid skin, drenched in salty sweat as it fills all the crevasse and curvatures of my body. My sallow countenance, moist from tears that fell from my now unseeing eyes, crackled like a dry leaf blown to pieces by the wind. Unseeing eyes, that can no longer convey turmoil or ecstasy, will never enjoy the cornucopia of colors in the wind and shall never bare witness to the myriad vignettes of life, stares blankly forward, to the non-existent future. My hair, strewn, spread amidst the concrete where my head is juxtaposed to; lay stiff like dark ropes, rough ropes that could never hold anything together.

Oh cold wind! Bring along with you the memory of what it once was. In malicious mirth, slice into the deep angry red cuts of my wounds. Laugh unconscionably! Snigger with all your might! Howl with intense hilarity like a vicious animal! As loud as you might think it is, it will never stir me up for your ululation will fall into unhearing ears.

Oh gray dust! You materialized out from nowhere! As you kiss my eyes, feel the slowly drying tears that once dwelled in my eyelids. As you enter my nostrils, feel free to reach my heart; fill my hushed lungs with your presence. From outside, embrace me tightly until you hear my bones crackle with your magnitude.

Oh moonlight! Sing me a lullaby in perpetuity. Cradle me to sleep.

*dlas*

Starry Night

Last night, I plucked a couple of stars in the evening sky and stuffed them in my pocket. Who knows, time may come when I will need the company of the stars to join me in the celebration of my melancholy. They will be my guiding light if I decide to walk along the cobblestones towards the gazebo where I store my innermost desires. They will shine the same path if I decide to go back home. During the wakefulness of my nights, I worry sometimes. What if I run out of stars to pluck? Who will accompany me in paying tribute to my solitary existence? Are stars like trees, can they be made to grow in replacement of the others that I took? I just hope that I won’t live for a million years; I would prefer the paucity of happiness than the scarcity of stars.

As I lament the celebration of my seclusion, I felt the stillness of the night weep in silent resonance. Its sob was the hushed wind that blew my tears away. My tears together with the night’s was the mist fogging my vision as I stare forward, looking on as the story of my life slowly unfolds.

From the sky above, the stars shone brightly and from its corner, one drops from the precipice into the horizon.

*dlas*

Homage to my chipmunk

April 18, 2008. Exactly three months and four days ago, Fate was having a PMS and forgot to control her shit. Some constellation got sciatica resulting to misalignment of some of its stars. Probably the reason why we crossed paths!

I know I’m trying to mask it under the pretense of literary elocution even if the actual circumstances that made us meet was really due to ahem well, hmm how can I say this, cause we were both horny. That’s it! Hehe. No matter what the circumstance is all I can say is that, I am really very grateful that we’ve crossed paths! Well, beyond grateful because we’ve met during the lowest periods of my adult life. I was very used to making other people laugh so having someone that could really make me laugh from within is a nice change! To top it all of, you said that you like all of me. Wow kudos to you! Are you sure about that? Are you sure you like the following?

1. I could be very bitchy and you’ve seen it.
2. I swear a lot, in English, Tagalog, and Cebuano.
3. I hate exercise, hence the man boobs and the beer belly.
4. I can consume an entire bottle of red wine.

5. I always proclaim dieting but I always binge.
6. I can be very obnoxious without knowing it.
7. I sweat profusely like a whore in church.
8. And a lot more…

So, are you sure that you still like me? Hehe.
Thanks my cute chipmunk. No matter what happens, you will always be special to me.

Always.

Entreaty to the Sun

As the burning coals of my hatred bare witness to my fervent supplications in summoning the heavens to open their gates and listen to my plea, I raise up my hands while I kneel before you Oh Most Powerful Lord of the Sun! Take away my eye sight with the intensity of your luminescence! Let me hear nothing but your persistent clamor for singeing hearts that were frozen with apathy and non-existentialism! Rip off my tender limbs as you set the dark macabre labyrinths of my soul ablaze! Breathe in my ashes as I soar up to be one with you; let me be your penumbra when you wish to rest.

Allow my tears to flow freely; let the valley of despair be washed away, further away until they can’t inflict themselves to anyone, besmudging otherwise virginal spirits. Allow the deafening intensity of my weeping to rumble unto vast plains and break through adamant mountains. Send in your great blasts of fireballs and pulverize granites into embers; let them be conveyed by the wind.

Oh Great Wind! Carry me in your immense shoulders towards the Sun. May the parched lips of my countenance be the receptacle for the never-ending inferno of your visage. Let my widespread arms catch your inevitable blaze for the entire world to see.

Oh Most Powerful Lord of the Sun I entreat you my deepest supplications. Take me with you!

*dlas*

A few of my favorite (50) things – in alphabetical order:

1. 24
2. Alias
3. Baguio Ukay-ukay
4. Bangkok
5. Beaches
6. Binagol from Tacloban
7. Brokeback Mountain
8. Calamay from Bohol
9. Cebu Lechon
10. Chocolate Cake
11. Converse Shoes
12. Crème Brulee
13. Crime Shows
14. CSI Las Vegas
15. Curry
16. Del Monte Fit and Right
17. Desperate Housewives
18. Diego Clothing
19. Encantadia
20. Fisher Cheese Curls
21. Folded and Hung
22. Gabriel Garcia Marquez
23. Icings Cake
24. Jagermeister
25. Jessica Zafra
26. Jollibee Spaghetti
27. Kansi from Ilo-ilo
28. KFC (2 piece Hot and Crispy and Original Recipe)
29. Leche Flan
30. Lost
31. Maja Blanca (from Joph’s stepmom)
32. Maldita Man
33. Ngohiong from Cebu
34. Paulo Coelho
35. People are People
36. Pony shoes
37. Puerto Princesa
38. Red Horse
39. Regine Velasquez
40. Sagada Mt. Province
41. Sandals and slippers
42. Shawarma
43. Stolichnaya
44. Talong
45. The Manor, Camp John Hay
46. Topman
47. Ugly Betty
48. Videoke
49. Wade Shoes
50. Zagu

Reverberations

Tap… Tap… Tap…
You here the resonance of leather as it touched wood. Or was it rubber as it touched cement? Whatever!, you say. You can hear it clearly as you hear the rumblings of your heart.

Thud… Thud… Thud…
Every beat bounces back and beyond within the empty walls of your chest, echoing within the labyrinths of your soul. You clench your chest with your fists pounding on it like rocks fitfully slammed against a wall, half wishing for the beating to stop, half hoping for the beating to perpetually go on. You gulped mouthfuls of air until your chest aches. Until you hear the resonance of the leather pouncing on wood gradually increase its sound before you realize they were your own.

Whoosh… Whoosh… Whoosh…
The wind mocks you as it laughed in malicious mirth as you ran away from it. No one can ever outrun me!, it says. But you ran nonetheless and the wind chased you slapping your face and slamming itself unto the entirety of your body. The great wind reached its arms and grabbed twigs, branches, and small stones and threw them at you. The sky will never be as blue as your bruises and the autumn soil will never be as red as your blood. And suddenly…

Aaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa…………..
You dropped to your knees and covered your ears with your soiled hands pleading for anyone who can hear to stop such ululation. You bent over, almost kissing the soil, cradled your head in between your legs and beseeched to anyone to stop such noise but it grew louder. Louder still.. Yet louder until you feel your head about to explode and it stopped… No resonance of leather on wood or rubber on cement… No incessant thudding of the heart… Not even the malicious laughter of the wind… Even the crippling scream ceased to exist…

And you thought solitude was peaceful…

*dlas*

Quest for that perfect job (preferably with no "blow" attached to it) Part 1

Current status: wallowing in deep-shit career non-existentialism. In simpler words, I want to fucking resign already! Therefore, I am actively pursuing the search that I had once been very wary of – job hunting. Sans idiocy, I am still currently connected with my current job, using company resources for all my application needs hehe. Anyway, suffice it to say, I have been to a lot, as in a LOT of interviews already. And I’ll be narrating all memorable ones (then your sarcastic shit will declare: of course you can only narrate stuff that you can only remember!!). I will be naming names if I my application’s status with them is already over. Aptly, I will be omitting stuff that I’m still considering to be in (of course, just to save my ass).

Deaf to the precautions from my bitch friend, I still tried applying for Nestle Philippines (my first name-drop hehe). My reasons were one, I am desperate, two, the office is just a stone throw away from Ateneo where I’m taking up my MBA, and three, it’s near from where I live. Anyway, I still did (obviously, this paragraph is a big hint). WTF! I waited in the lobby for an hour! If it weren’t for the sleeping guy across me who’s head kept on bobbing back and forth while I tried to stifle a laugh, I would have turned to ashes in annoyance. Not that I’m a diva or anything, 2 PM is 2 PM! Professionalism you guys! So after an hour, I was given some sheets to fill up and I took a Psychological exam while in the lobby. I probably failed that haha! Then I was called in for a meeting with the most hilarious person that I’ve ever met, of course I meant it in sarcastic drones. Do you know the most hilarious thing for me? Masking insecurities as bitchiness! So this HR person (who can’t even speak straight English) had the audacity to act bored while throwing questions with spittle on my direction! I swear I could’ve told her how bored I was during that exact moment!! I never thanked for the interview. Of course my phone never rang. Haha!

To be continued…