TOP TEN CR DECORUM FOR GUYS

1. Don’t answer your phone while pissing. Surely your phone call can wait. The caller on the end doesn’t have to hear the sound of your piss.

2. Try to refrain from farting when there are other guys inside. It’s hard to control fits of giggles when hearing it.

3. If it so happen that you accidentally farted, don’t say “oops” like you dropped something or “uy” like you just saw your bestfriend for a long time.

4. Don’t engage into conversation, someone who is still pissing.

5. Don’t engage into conversation, someone who is still pissing while you are also pissing.

6. When taking a crap, mask the possible disgusting sound by pressing the toilet flusher.

7. If you are such a mammoth of a man and reaching behind for the flusher is impossible, then try coughing at the exact time your shit is going to explode.

8. Don't shake each other's hands in the CR, its disgusting.

9. Don't repaint the CR walls with booger.

10. Always flush the toilet after you use it you gross piece of shit!

Top 20 HAHAHAHA-pennings last weekend

By the way 20 napud para lahi. 20 akong edad and hopefully akong waist.
(Balik-balik ang mga cast ha)

1. Linguistic prowess ni Venus. Example - AmNEsia, eleBEtor, CHree hahahaha.

2. Mayang and me naka-discover nga hugawan jud ang mga taga UP tungod sa kasilyas nga overflowing ug chocolate madness!! yum!

3. ANG PAGKARATOL NI ODYSSA HAHAHAHA.

4. Kadtong tuparan unta nako si XAR paghigda. haha (Sol kung di naka, keri ra nako ako nalang hahaha joke ra ha).

5. Picture picture sa MRT. with matching istorya sa mga Manilenyos in Venus accent - Hindi kami mga taga-Cebu taga Masbate mi. Grabe ang signal talaga dito ma-wa-wa.

6. Pag plot unsa-on pag evict sa ubang bisita sa sala. Example, mag serve ug Ice Tea si Kim Kim, Mayang and Venus nga gawas ang mga yotoch.

7. (Balik ta kang ODY) Kadtong gipa-ilaila ni Sol si She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named na itatago natin sa pangalang Marivicky Barcelona kang XAR as GF ni Ody, hence please read number 3.

8. Pag-biga biga ni Venus sa hunk (or funk, kung pertaining sa iyang breath, matud pa ni Venus murag imburnal, or basin baya Nus imo ra to baba imong nasimhutan hahaha) nga Bisaya pud diay haskang ataya.

9. ”Stolen shot” kunohay sa nawng ni Venus with the hunk (pix to follow) from Fred nga dili na stolen kay ni-flash kaha!

10. Pasan ko ang daigdig starring Sharon Salonoy and Shane Alajar (hahaha ataya sa Sharon Salonoy oi) nga nahimong Fuck Train pag-apil sa mga Minor Casts namely Diyosa, aka me, and Aiza (nga Gretchen ug buhok) Susvilla.

11. Ang walay undang nga pag-ungkat sa mga pasts. Fred and Mark (Mark Philip Sandigan para sure lang ta kung kinsa nga Mark ang gihisgutan), Me and Derek, David Beckham, ug uban pa, Venus and Venus (hahaha), Sol and JMV (Jose Me Venecia hahahaha) nga natag-anan ni XAR kung unsa nga number-confident si Manong (Again, kung dili na ka Sol you know what to do hahaha and again joke lang), Mayang and (kinsa gani to Yang?).

12. (Balik ta sa MRT) Ang mga pangutana unsaon pag-paslak ang ticket sa paslakanan.

13. Again, ANG PAGKARATOL NI ODYSSA HAHAHAHA.

14. Ug dili jud ko kasabot kung nganong everytime magpanon ta unya mag-istorya ta naa jud mga Attentive!! Kana bitawng outsider nga mu eye-to-eye contact pa sa mga nag-istorya with matching tawa-tawa gamay kuwang nalang mu-apil ug share ug stories! Diba Nus?

15. Mga gross stuff like unsa’y lami sa Bilat (as per Venus mura daw’g Vetsin atay bantog ra mura kag irong boang nus hahaha), ang theory kung unsaon pagkahibaw sa asawa sa asawa ni Sharon Salonoy nga ni-exist si Sharon Salonoy (hahaha pangutana nalang Fred ha).

16. As usual winner gihapon ang Humba ni Venus (nga naa daw 3 ka versions, yati ra) nga matud pa ni Gau ikog nalang ang gipalit kay Saysinta ra ang kilo.

17. Ang never-ending chika about sa tanan nga mga nanghitabo sa High School. Kadtong time nga taas pa ang buhok ni Venus unya magpanty pa, kadtong NANIKAS ANG GONZALES SA RADIO QUIZ (mga animal pwerte pa namong gu-ola kay na-disquyalify mi haha), ug super daghan pa (kapoy’g type).

18. Kadtong naka-idea si Venus nga mag partner-partner ang mga tawo unya si Mayang ang camerawoman unya akong pares si Al, but it turned out naa diay past si Mayang kang Al, so ako nalang ang cameraman yawa oi.

19. ANG PAGKARATOL NA PUD NI ODY HAHAHA. (Sorry Princess Odyssa Punzalan ha, di jud mi ka get-over adto oi).

20. Dah wa nako’y mahindumang lain. Ka-boring adto nga weekend oi hahaha. Labyu guys! Na-miss na ta mo dayon, balik niya mo ngari Open Arms and Legs ko as usual. Pero ayaw lang dayon next month, kay as I’ve said shet nahutdan na ta ug mga chika wala na tay isturyahan unya! Thanks a lot for more bee lot!!

Top 25 Outrageous High School Happenings

1. Pagbiga-biga sa Palarong Pambansa, 1st year (paging Mayenne hehehe).
2. The time nga gi-siyagitan ni Panfilo si Manivic ug tiguwang just because nahiwi ni Manivic ang armchair before Mdm. Gallo’s famous “I’ll inspect your rows..”
3. GARFIELDS!!! (Mga members, raise your hands!)
4. 1st year elocution contest: Si VALENTINO while naa sa stage nag-deliver sa iyang piece, nakatawa kay na-kuratan si JOSEPH KAROL TUMULAK niya.
5. Then pag 4th year, nihilak si JKT kay na-blockout siya tunga tunga sa Ang Huling Pahimakas.
6. Please supply kung kinsa’s nisulti ani: “UNSA MAN VENUS DILI NALANG JUD TA MAG-TAGAD ANI?” hahahaha
7. SUGARY PLANT (I forgot what the acronym stands for) and COGMO (Children of God and Marianita’s Organization).
8. Ang mga Sinco (sakto ba? Basta 2nd year) Boys nangihi sa likod sa locker kay mahadlok daw sila sa ungo. Peste this is fucking gross. Haha.
9. Remember the time, kadtong gigukod ni MARICOR si MANIVIC ug blackboard eraser while napuno ang face ni Maricor ug chalk? Hahaha
10. Si KARAAN!!!!
11. 4th year intrams: nasakpan ako, Fred ug Tonette ni Montano nga naligo sa uwan. Si Tonette niadto dayon sa likod sa locker naghilak-hilak with matching slide sa wall hahaha.
12. D Heart F. hehe
13. HAMAG!!!
14. 4th year Intrams: gi-ilad ni ODY si JESI nga gipatawag siya sa principal’s office.
15. Ang boang nga JESI nitu-o pud!
16. Meanwhile si ODY nagyaka sa grass while nag-hilak with matching ibut-ibot sa mga dahon.
17. 1st year Family Day Bingo: gi-ingan ni Tonette iya manghod “Ital imo mama ay (pointing at the mama of Celes May)”. Then naglagot si Ital gilabayan siya ug bato.
18. Ang na-igo kay mama ni GABUT haha.
19. Si Reggie nahimong escort ni Fritzie and nanguyab ni Sugar (karon mas guwapa pa siya ni Sugar).
20. Nag-boxing si Razhan ug Tonette and nag-karate si Gayle and (ambot unsa’y name adto).
21. Nag-away ang mga katawhan pag-3rd year tungod sa sayaw hahaha.
22. Madam Flores: EP AY DISKAS YU DONT LESEN EP AY GIB YU A TES YU KUMPLEN, NAW GIT WAN PURT SYET UP PIPAR WAN TU TRE!! Buhi pa kaya siya noh?
23. Whole Theater Arts Class nag-panun from Chem Lab to LEADER while tip-toing and peeking kung naa ba si Rabago. Ug sa dihang nakuratan tanan kay naa ra di-ay siya sa entrance ug ni-siyagit “Walang papasok kung hindi pa tapos ang mga invitations!”. Hahahahaha
24. Again Theater Arts class before mag-start ang Mime Presentation (bayot kayo ang title “Mima del Arte”) nagpanon while naka meimei ang mga fez sa office ni Rabago. “Miss miss sige na miss mag-start na ta…”
25. Kadtong mga nag-hire ug mga “inahan” after adtong robot robot incident. Unya safe na unta si Gabut, nikalit ug tunga iyang mama hahaha. Unya kadtong mga gi-hire nga inahan gipa-kaon ug siopao. Paging gaugau, mayang, etc

Customer Care in 2020

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ .. on......88986135610 2049998-45- 54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you callingfrom now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, howmuch will that cost?" Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. Thetotal is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit cardis over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 sinceOctober last year. That's not including the late payment charges onyour housing loan, > Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdrawsome cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you' ve reached yourdaily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can alwayscome and collect it on your motorcycle.. ."
Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registra tion number 1123..." Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you'realso diabetic.... ... " > Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^
Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987you were convicted of using abusive language on apoliceman... ?"
Customer: [Faints]

New Motivational Pictures

Filipino Ingenuity

New design for Speedo.....

Pampainit

PAMPAINIT.......






PAMPAINIT TALAGA.......

PAMPAINIT NG ULO!!! HAHAHAHA

Tan - G A

Juan and Pedro nag-text

Juan: Pedro pa pasaload naman ako ng 2 Pesos o.

(napasa na)

Juan: Thanks Pedro!

Pedro: O wag ka na mag-reply 2 pesos lang yan eh.

Juan: K

Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the offiser job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.I'm lookin for a Jobb as a offiser but it musent be to complicaited.I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth, I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

Sinseerly,BRYAN nikname Beefy

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

Employer's response:... Dear Bryan, It's OK sweety, we've got spell check. When can you start?

Viva Italia

Il Primo Ministro ha preso mettendo le dita nel naso e lo mangiando.

Prime Minister caught picking his nose then eating it (his booger that is).

Pinoy Branding

1. Parlor in San Juan is named "Cut & Face"
2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: "Starduck"
3. Fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: "Violybee"
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named "Cafe Pindot"
5. In Manila , there's a laundry named, "Summa Cum Laundry"
6. Petshop in Ortigas: "Pussies and Bitches"
7. A pet shop in Kamuning: "Pakita Mo Pet Mo"
8. Bakery: "Bread Pit"
9. Bank in Alabang: "Alabank"
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, "Mekeni Rogers"
11. Restaurant in Pasig : "Johnny's Fried Chicken: The Fried of Marikina"
12. A boxing gym: "Blow Jab"
13. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: "Lito Lapida"
14. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called "Pakopya ni Edgar"
15. A beerhouse in Cavite called, "Chickpoint"
16. Laundromat in Sikatuna: " Star Wash : Attack of the Clothes"
17. Internet cafe in Taguig named, "n@kopi@"
18. Name of a kambingan, "Sa Goat Kita"
19. A salon somewhere, "Curl Up And Dye"
20. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: "Gee Congee"
21. A water refilling station in Dapitan named "Wa-Thirst"
22. A store selling feeds for chickens: "Robocock"
23. Shoe repair in Marikina : "Dr. Shoe-Bago"
24. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, "SHOEPERMAN: We will HEEL you! save your SOLE, and even DYE for you!"
25. Petshop: "Petness First"
26. Flower shop: "Susan's Roses"
27. Taxicab: "Income Taxi"
28. A 2nd hand watch store: "2nd Time Around".
29. A squid stall in a wet market: "Pusit to the Limit"
30. A shrimp store: "Hipon Coming Back"
31. A gay lawyer's extension office: " Nota Republic"
32. A ceiling installer: "Kisame Street"
33. A car repair shop: "Bangga ka 'day?"
34. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: "Fish Be With You"
35. A fishball cart named, "Poke Poke"
36. A beauty salon: "Saudia Hairlines"
37. A bakery: "Anak Ng Tinapay"
38. A resto along Mayon road in Manila: "May Lisa Eatery"
39. Laundry shop: "Wash Your Problem"
40. This mobile massage business name isn't funny, but their slogan is: "Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching"
41. Ice cream parlor: "Dila Lang Ang Katapat"
42. Chicharon store: "Chicha Hut"
43. Neighborhood pizza store: "Pizza Hot"
44. A fishball cart near UST: "Eat My Balls"
45. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: "Pinoy Big Barber"
46. A Resto: "The Last Supper"
47. A goto resto: "Goto Ko Pa!"
48. A peanut vendor's cart with a funny name: "Mani ni Papa"
49. A gym in Malolos: " Gaymann Fitness Center"
50. A Party needs business: "Balloon-Balloonan"
51. A Chinese restaurant in Pasig: "Lah-Fang"
52. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: "Dina Fresh Chicken"
53. An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S.: "The Master Baiter"
54. Panaderia: "Trimonay Bakeshop"
55. Salon: "Hair Dot Comb"

Nosebleed Call Center Edition

sad and funny at the same time hehe huhu...

Batman Superman

AIRPORT SECURITY: What’s your name?
PASSENGER: Batman.
AS: Your real name, please.
P: My name IS Batman.
AS: Are you trying to be funny?! What’s your surname?
P: Superman.


Airport security handcuffs him & puts him in a locked security facility.


Then they checked his passport.........