TOP TEN CR DECORUM FOR GUYS

1. Don’t answer your phone while pissing. Surely your phone call can wait. The caller on the end doesn’t have to hear the sound of your piss.

2. Try to refrain from farting when there are other guys inside. It’s hard to control fits of giggles when hearing it.

3. If it so happen that you accidentally farted, don’t say “oops” like you dropped something or “uy” like you just saw your bestfriend for a long time.

4. Don’t engage into conversation, someone who is still pissing.

5. Don’t engage into conversation, someone who is still pissing while you are also pissing.

6. When taking a crap, mask the possible disgusting sound by pressing the toilet flusher.

7. If you are such a mammoth of a man and reaching behind for the flusher is impossible, then try coughing at the exact time your shit is going to explode.

8. Don't shake each other's hands in the CR, its disgusting.

9. Don't repaint the CR walls with booger.

10. Always flush the toilet after you use it you gross piece of shit!

Patience is Not Just a Word

You’re in a hurry to beat your 8:00 time-in but you’ve decided to grab your 1st caffeine of the day before clocking in. When you get inside the café, the queue is longer than usual. The chatty girls in front of you decide to update each other with their late night conquests while lagging the queue before them. The barista on the other side of the counter settles on handling orders like he is handling plutonium or something, slower than slow. Then when it’s finally your turn, the cash register gets stuck, you can’t believe why it has to happen to you. After a good 10 minutes (ironically, the sluggish barista was jolted from his sluggish reverie), you get your coffee and your change and you rush outside. Then it rains like it never rained for a decade.

You are wet in places that you never thought won’t get wet when it rains. You are 30 minutes late. People stare at you like you are some alien, and you hold yourself back from explaining to everyone that it just rained. (Of course, the minute you stepped inside your building the rain stopped). When you get to your desk (you’re not even seated yet), your phone is incessantly ringing. Uh-oh you’re Devil-of-a-Boss woke up at the wrong side of his bed (you remind yourself that he hasn’t woke up at the right side for 2 decades, the wrong side is practically the right one already!). You rush to his office still dripping wet, good thing that you’re Boss don’t seem to notice your wet look (and that your nipples are practically sticking out of your shirt) but then again, you may strip naked and he won’t still notice that you are. In between his long litanies of your incompetence, and tirades of how you-waste-precious-company-time-by-neglecting-deadlines-time-and-time-again, you are still poised, your lips forming a straight line. After what seemed to be a year, you went out of his hell-hole and dry yourself up. You see the time and it’s only 9 fucking 30!

In between answering e-mails and juggling Excel worksheets and Powerpoint presentations, you get a text message (well actually you half-shrieked because your phone is in vibrating mode and you forgot to get it out of your pocket). After ignoring the giggles from your officemates you read the message. Sorry 2 do this 2u thru txt, but I found sum1 else. Hope we can still be friends, though! That jack-ass, you thought (actually you half-shouted, cutting short the giggles). For a minute you try to grasp how that person looks like because weird enough you don’t remember this person’s face. You just gave up after looking at an old photo of you on your desk - the one where you got the award for Most Patient in fifth grade.