My Past Writings

Blood to Dust

Oh my mangled body as it juts through the transparent surface of my drenched clothing! My threads, drenched with the blood of my parents, my ancestors and my forefathers. My pallid skin, drenched in salty sweat as it fills all the crevasse and curvatures of my body. My sallow countenance, moist from tears that fell from my now unseeing eyes, crackled like a dry leaf blown to pieces by the wind. Unseeing eyes, that can no longer convey turmoil or ecstasy, will never enjoy the cornucopia of colors in the wind and shall never bare witness to the myriad vignettes of life, stares blankly forward, to the non-existent future. My hair, strewn, spread amidst the concrete where my head is juxtaposed to; lay stiff like dark ropes, rough ropes that could never hold anything together.

Oh cold wind! Bring along with you the memory of what it once was. In malicious mirth, slice into the deep angry red cuts of my wounds. Laugh unconscionably! Snigger with all your might! Howl with intense hilarity like a vicious animal! As loud as you might think it is, it will never stir me up for your ululation will fall into unhearing ears.

Oh gray dust! You materialized out from nowhere! As you kiss my eyes, feel the slowly drying tears that once dwelled in my eyelids. As you enter my nostrils, feel free to reach my heart; fill my hushed lungs with your presence. From outside, embrace me tightly until you hear my bones crackle with your magnitude.

Oh moonlight! Sing me a lullaby in perpetuity. Cradle me to sleep.


Starry Night

Last night, I plucked a couple of stars in the evening sky and stuffed them in my pocket. Who knows, time may come when I will need the company of the stars to join me in the celebration of my melancholy. They will be my guiding light if I decide to walk along the cobblestones towards the gazebo where I store my innermost desires. They will shine the same path if I decide to go back home. During the wakefulness of my nights, I worry sometimes. What if I run out of stars to pluck? Who will accompany me in paying tribute to my solitary existence? Are stars like trees, can they be made to grow in replacement of the others that I took? I just hope that I won’t live for a million years; I would prefer the paucity of happiness than the scarcity of stars.

As I lament the celebration of my seclusion, I felt the stillness of the night weep in silent resonance. Its sob was the hushed wind that blew my tears away. My tears together with the night’s was the mist fogging my vision as I stare forward, looking on as the story of my life slowly unfolds.

From the sky above, the stars shone brightly and from its corner, one drops from the precipice into the horizon.

Entreaty to the Sun

As the burning coals of my hatred bare witness to my fervent supplications in summoning the heavens to open their gates and listen to my plea, I raise up my hands while I kneel before you Oh Most Powerful Lord of the Sun! Take away my eye sight with the intensity of your luminescence! Let me hear nothing but your persistent clamor for singeing hearts that were frozen with apathy and non-existentialism! Rip off my tender limbs as you set the dark macabre labyrinths of my soul ablaze! Breathe in my ashes as I soar up to be one with you; let me be your penumbra when you wish to rest.

Allow my tears to flow freely; let the valley of despair be washed away, further away until they can’t inflict themselves to anyone, besmudging otherwise virginal spirits. Allow the deafening intensity of my weeping to rumble unto vast plains and break through adamant mountains. Send in your great blasts of fireballs and pulverize granites into embers; let them be conveyed by the wind.

Oh Great Wind! Carry me in your immense shoulders towards the Sun. May the parched lips of my countenance be the receptacle for the never-ending inferno of your visage. Let my widespread arms catch your inevitable blaze for the entire world to see.

Oh Most Powerful Lord of the Sun I entreat you my deepest supplications. Take me with you!

Reverberations

Tap… Tap… Tap…
You here the resonance of leather as it touched wood. Or was it rubber as it touched cement? Whatever!, you say. You can hear it clearly as you hear the rumblings of your heart.

Thud… Thud… Thud…
Every beat bounces back and beyond within the empty walls of your chest, echoing within the labyrinths of your soul. You clench your chest with your fists pounding on it like rocks fitfully slammed against a wall, half wishing for the beating to stop, half hoping for the beating to perpetually go on. You gulped mouthfuls of air until your chest aches. Until you hear the resonance of the leather pouncing on wood gradually increase its sound before you realize they were your own.

Whoosh… Whoosh… Whoosh…
The wind mocks you as it laughed in malicious mirth as you ran away from it. No one can ever outrun me!, it says. But you ran nonetheless and the wind chased you slapping your face and slamming itself unto the entirety of your body. The great wind reached its arms and grabbed twigs, branches, and small stones and threw them at you. The sky will never be as blue as your bruises and the autumn soil will never be as red as your blood. And suddenly…

Aaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa…………..
You dropped to your knees and covered your ears with your soiled hands pleading for anyone who can hear to stop such ululation. You bent over, almost kissing the soil, cradled your head in between your legs and beseeched to anyone to stop such noise but it grew louder. Louder still.. Yet louder until you feel your head about to explode and it stopped… No resonance of leather on wood or rubber on cement… No incessant thudding of the heart… Not even the malicious laughter of the wind… Even the crippling scream ceased to exist…

And you thought solitude was peaceful…

Patience is Not Just a Word

You’re in a hurry to beat your 8:00 time-in but you’ve decided to grab your 1st caffeine of the day before clocking in. When you get inside the café, the queue is longer than usual. The chatty girls in front of you decide to update each other with their late night conquests while lagging the queue before them. The barista on the other side of the counter settles on handling orders like he is handling plutonium or something, slower than slow. Then when it’s finally your turn, the cash register gets stuck, you can’t believe why it has to happen to you. After a good 10 minutes (ironically, the sluggish barista was jolted from his sluggish reverie), you get your coffee and your change and you rush outside. Then it rains like it never rained for a decade.

You are wet in places that you never thought won’t get wet when it rains. You are 30 minutes late. People stare at you like you are some alien, and you hold yourself back from explaining to everyone that it just rained. (Of course, the minute you stepped inside your building the rain stopped). When you get to your desk (you’re not even seated yet), your phone is incessantly ringing. Uh-oh you’re Devil-of-a-Boss woke up at the wrong side of his bed (you remind yourself that he hasn’t woke up at the right side for 2 decades, the wrong side is practically the right one already!). You rush to his office still dripping wet, good thing that you’re Boss don’t seem to notice your wet look (and that your nipples are practically sticking out of your shirt) but then again, you may strip naked and he won’t still notice that you are. In between his long litanies of your incompetence, and tirades of how you-waste-precious-company-time-by-neglecting-deadlines-time-and-time-again, you are still poised, your lips forming a straight line. After what seemed to be a year, you went out of his hell-hole and dry yourself up. You see the time and it’s only 9 fucking 30!

In between answering e-mails and juggling Excel worksheets and Powerpoint presentations, you get a text message (well actually you half-shrieked because your phone is in vibrating mode and you forgot to get it out of your pocket). After ignoring the giggles from your officemates you read the message. Sorry 2 do this 2u thru txt, but I found sum1 else. Hope we can still be friends, though! That jack-ass, you thought (actually you half-shouted, cutting short the giggles). For a minute you try to grasp how that person looks like because weird enough you don’t remember this person’s face. You just gave up after looking at an old photo of you on your desk - the one where you got the award for Most Patient in fifth grade.

The One That Got Away and Other Horror Stories

You will never ever forget the first time you met him. How could you, when you shared all of your firsts with him! You will never forget the goose bumps that materialized right after you saw him with a floral bouquet and a stuffed monkey for your birthday. Of course you have to bring the flowers to your office and string along your friends, saying that you have nowhere to put it in (of course you just want to rub it on their faces). Of course who will ever forget the embarrassment that you felt when he introduced you to his family! Forget that you became his family’s chauffer when they came for a visit, the fact that he was proud enough to let his mom know that you’re together is enough to make you giddy for a week (of course you can’t wait to tell all your friends). Most important of all, you will never forget the steamy sex that you always have any time of the day and it sure will last forever, or so you thought.

You will never forget the first time you caught him cheating on you. You were in bed, he was taking a bath. He left his phone and of course it’s like an open invitation for you to check it out. You beat yourself shitless when you saw indiscreet messages from more than one person. You berate whether you need to confront him about it or not. But you don’t want him to leave you lest he'll think that you’ve turned into a whiner. But your pride just won’t let it go without a fight. So you get the phone numbers of the people he was fucking behind your back. You vowed to get back on his cheating ass by having sex with these same people then a few others indiscriminately. You eventually get tired of it.

And he tells you he’s in love with you, and everything doesn’t matter at all.

But you can’t understand why everything abruptly changed. He doesn’t hang out at your house anymore. He has a lot of excuses when you invite him for dinner, movie or whatnot. And it has been a month since you both had sex. Of course the inquisitor in you has to ask him why. His answer left you bewildered – “My respect for you transcended beyond carnal feelings already”. Of course you obviously know its crap. You vowed to win him back by inviting him and his friends to your house on Christmas Eve. You cooked for 7 hours straight, you turned your house upside down, heck you even bought a new table! You fetched him and his friends at their place, fed them and sent them back home. When the two of you were left in your car, he kissed you on your cheek while thanking you. And you inadvertently blurted out “I Love You”. And he just looked at you and smiled.

5 full days passed without hearing anything from him. By then your irritation and anger has already subsided. After 10 movies, 4 re-runs of Will and Grace, and 5 paintings, you got a text from him. “Sorry if I never texted. When you said that you love me, it got me thinking. You are really important in my life. But I am still confused. This is entirely my fault but I would like you to be my friend first, best friend if you will”... So this is how being heartbroken feels like, you thought. Funny but you kind of expected tears to fall incessantly with it, but they weren’t any. He wants to visit you and tries to bribe you with your favorite food. You held your ground and told him it was a bad idea. He said he was hurt, and you didn’t give a damn.

After one full month, you met him in person. He hugged you tight and told you sorry over and over again. You did not feel anything.

Blood to Dust

Oh my mangled body as it juts through the transparent surface of my drenched clothing! My threads, drenched with the blood of my parents, my ancestors and my forefathers. My pallid skin, drenched in salty sweat as it fills all the crevasse and curvatures of my body. My sallow countenance, moist from tears that fell from my now unseeing eyes, crackled like a dry leaf blown to pieces by the wind. Unseeing eyes, that can no longer convey turmoil or ecstasy, will never enjoy the cornucopia of colors in the wind and shall never bare witness to the myriad vignettes of life, stares blankly forward, to the non-existent future. My hair, strewn, spread amidst the concrete where my head is juxtaposed to; lay stiff like dark ropes, rough ropes that could never hold anything together.

Oh cold wind! Bring along with you the memory of what it once was. In malicious mirth, slice into the deep angry red cuts of my wounds. Laugh unconscionably! Snigger with all your might! Howl with intense hilarity like a vicious animal! As loud as you might think it is, it will never stir me up for your ululation will fall into unhearing ears.

Oh gray dust! You materialized out from nowhere! As you kiss my eyes, feel the slowly drying tears that once dwelled in my eyelids. As you enter my nostrils, feel free to reach my heart; fill my hushed lungs with your presence. From outside, embrace me tightly until you hear my bones crackle with your magnitude.

Oh moonlight! Sing me a lullaby in perpetuity. Cradle me to sleep.

*dlas*

Starry Night

Last night, I plucked a couple of stars in the evening sky and stuffed them in my pocket. Who knows, time may come when I will need the company of the stars to join me in the celebration of my melancholy. They will be my guiding light if I decide to walk along the cobblestones towards the gazebo where I store my innermost desires. They will shine the same path if I decide to go back home. During the wakefulness of my nights, I worry sometimes. What if I run out of stars to pluck? Who will accompany me in paying tribute to my solitary existence? Are stars like trees, can they be made to grow in replacement of the others that I took? I just hope that I won’t live for a million years; I would prefer the paucity of happiness than the scarcity of stars.

As I lament the celebration of my seclusion, I felt the stillness of the night weep in silent resonance. Its sob was the hushed wind that blew my tears away. My tears together with the night’s was the mist fogging my vision as I stare forward, looking on as the story of my life slowly unfolds.

From the sky above, the stars shone brightly and from its corner, one drops from the precipice into the horizon.

*dlas*

Entreaty to the Sun

As the burning coals of my hatred bare witness to my fervent supplications in summoning the heavens to open their gates and listen to my plea, I raise up my hands while I kneel before you Oh Most Powerful Lord of the Sun! Take away my eye sight with the intensity of your luminescence! Let me hear nothing but your persistent clamor for singeing hearts that were frozen with apathy and non-existentialism! Rip off my tender limbs as you set the dark macabre labyrinths of my soul ablaze! Breathe in my ashes as I soar up to be one with you; let me be your penumbra when you wish to rest.

Allow my tears to flow freely; let the valley of despair be washed away, further away until they can’t inflict themselves to anyone, besmudging otherwise virginal spirits. Allow the deafening intensity of my weeping to rumble unto vast plains and break through adamant mountains. Send in your great blasts of fireballs and pulverize granites into embers; let them be conveyed by the wind.

Oh Great Wind! Carry me in your immense shoulders towards the Sun. May the parched lips of my countenance be the receptacle for the never-ending inferno of your visage. Let my widespread arms catch your inevitable blaze for the entire world to see.

Oh Most Powerful Lord of the Sun I entreat you my deepest supplications. Take me with you!

*dlas*

Reverberations

Tap… Tap… Tap…
You here the resonance of leather as it touched wood. Or was it rubber as it touched cement? Whatever!, you say. You can hear it clearly as you hear the rumblings of your heart.

Thud… Thud… Thud…
Every beat bounces back and beyond within the empty walls of your chest, echoing within the labyrinths of your soul. You clench your chest with your fists pounding on it like rocks fitfully slammed against a wall, half wishing for the beating to stop, half hoping for the beating to perpetually go on. You gulped mouthfuls of air until your chest aches. Until you hear the resonance of the leather pouncing on wood gradually increase its sound before you realize they were your own.

Whoosh… Whoosh… Whoosh…
The wind mocks you as it laughed in malicious mirth as you ran away from it. No one can ever outrun me!, it says. But you ran nonetheless and the wind chased you slapping your face and slamming itself unto the entirety of your body. The great wind reached its arms and grabbed twigs, branches, and small stones and threw them at you. The sky will never be as blue as your bruises and the autumn soil will never be as red as your blood. And suddenly…

Aaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaa…………..
You dropped to your knees and covered your ears with your soiled hands pleading for anyone who can hear to stop such ululation. You bent over, almost kissing the soil, cradled your head in between your legs and beseeched to anyone to stop such noise but it grew louder. Louder still.. Yet louder until you feel your head about to explode and it stopped… No resonance of leather on wood or rubber on cement… No incessant thudding of the heart… Not even the malicious laughter of the wind… Even the crippling scream ceased to exist…

And you thought solitude was peaceful…

*dlas*

Parallel Intercourse

It's hard to wake up when the warm breeze lulls you back to the field of dreams. Harder still, to bend beyond the rickety prongs where your livid body has decided to amalgamate itself upon. Way harder to fathom succumbing to the tempest of the angry sun... of the impatient wind... of the wailing rain... You yearn for the melodic cacophony of sounds... the music of your dreams.. You yearn to run and fight the gust of wind against your face, arms spread; your fingertips caressing the wind’s billowing robes, your bare feet amidst the velvety grass, and tears, oh beads of tears – pure sweet happiness streaming down your cheeks... You yearn to lie on the white powder-sand of the beach willing your toes to be licked by frolicking waters of the deep. You yearn to live a perpetual life, death being a foreign word. You yearn of yearning…

The creases in your forehead prickled with sweat until it flowed incessantly to the camber of your nape, down to the folds of your pillow, acting as a vessel of your anguish as it likewise serve as a receptacle of dreams. The white blanket enveloping the fullness of your body seems to be a strong blast of light in the verge of completely consummating all of darkness, until it is dark no more. And you continue to dream… Dream to yearn… Yearn to dream…
And so it was then that you have finally decided.

*dlas*