I'm Baaack

I currently have a new netbook, so hopefully, I'll regularly do this...

I've come to realize that.... (from facebook)

1. I've come to realize that my boobs...
is ginormous like the rest of me...
2. I've come to realize that my job...
sucks...
3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
oh shit I miss driving...
4. I've come to realize that I need...
a new job that doesn’t necessarily start with blow...
5. I've come to realize that I've lost..
my thunder.. thunder, thunder where art though thunder??
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...I’m expected to do shit that I really hate...
7. I've come to realize that the person I like...
is still out there... like, like, where art though like? (haha sorry can’t get enuf of this Shakespeare shit
8. I've come to realize that money...
is as important as food and water!
9. I've come to realize that people...
are sometimes there to play with when ur bored...
10. I've come to realize that I'll always be...
a part of you, I’m part of you indefinitely, boy don’t you know, I can’t escape you oh darling cuz I’ll always be your baby
12. I've come to realize that my mom...
is the best...
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
needs updating but me no money so no puwede…
14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
I heard a bit of wheezing and I saw a girl beside me!! It’s Odyssa!! Hahaha
15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...
Odyssa and I had some serious libak over Dioensia haha....
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about...
what movie to watch later...
17. I've come to realize that my dad...
will always be here with me, like one big fat scar, ugly but permanent (haha kidding pa)...
18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
It’s time for me to live to my fantasy – to be normal!
19. I've come to realize that today...
is just like those days, starts with coffee but still ends up being sleepy...
20. I've come to realize that tonight...
I celebrate my love for you...
21. I've come to realize that tomorrow will be...
hopefully an extraordinary day!
22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
be a Hollywood character actor...
24. I've come to realize that life...
is not at all that bad my friend hmmm...
25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
is the start of yet another grueling week grrr
26. I've come to realize that my ex...
is like a pimple, its recurring and a pain in the ass when it does
27. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
is the gurgling sound of my worst enemy when I chokehold his neck...
28. I've come to realize that my friends...
are the best shit that dropped from the heavens right-smacked at my face...
29.I've come to realize that the past year (2008)...
was a total waste of time..
30. I've come to realize that the last person i kissed...
secret...
31. I've come to realize that when people walk out of my life..
then they shouldn’t come running and knocking at my door when they want to those sons of bitches!

TOP TEN CR DECORUM FOR GUYS

1. Don’t answer your phone while pissing. Surely your phone call can wait. The caller on the end doesn’t have to hear the sound of your piss.

2. Try to refrain from farting when there are other guys inside. It’s hard to control fits of giggles when hearing it.

3. If it so happen that you accidentally farted, don’t say “oops” like you dropped something or “uy” like you just saw your bestfriend for a long time.

4. Don’t engage into conversation, someone who is still pissing.

5. Don’t engage into conversation, someone who is still pissing while you are also pissing.

6. When taking a crap, mask the possible disgusting sound by pressing the toilet flusher.

7. If you are such a mammoth of a man and reaching behind for the flusher is impossible, then try coughing at the exact time your shit is going to explode.

8. Don't shake each other's hands in the CR, its disgusting.

9. Don't repaint the CR walls with booger.

10. Always flush the toilet after you use it you gross piece of shit!

Tatoo or three

I am seriously considering getting a tattoo! Here are my design options so far:

some calligraphy

my star sign - Taurus

another version of Taurus

angel wings

CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Top 20 HAHAHAHA-pennings last weekend

By the way 20 napud para lahi. 20 akong edad and hopefully akong waist.
(Balik-balik ang mga cast ha)

1. Linguistic prowess ni Venus. Example - AmNEsia, eleBEtor, CHree hahahaha.

2. Mayang and me naka-discover nga hugawan jud ang mga taga UP tungod sa kasilyas nga overflowing ug chocolate madness!! yum!

3. ANG PAGKARATOL NI ODYSSA HAHAHAHA.

4. Kadtong tuparan unta nako si XAR paghigda. haha (Sol kung di naka, keri ra nako ako nalang hahaha joke ra ha).

5. Picture picture sa MRT. with matching istorya sa mga Manilenyos in Venus accent - Hindi kami mga taga-Cebu taga Masbate mi. Grabe ang signal talaga dito ma-wa-wa.

6. Pag plot unsa-on pag evict sa ubang bisita sa sala. Example, mag serve ug Ice Tea si Kim Kim, Mayang and Venus nga gawas ang mga yotoch.

7. (Balik ta kang ODY) Kadtong gipa-ilaila ni Sol si She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named na itatago natin sa pangalang Marivicky Barcelona kang XAR as GF ni Ody, hence please read number 3.

8. Pag-biga biga ni Venus sa hunk (or funk, kung pertaining sa iyang breath, matud pa ni Venus murag imburnal, or basin baya Nus imo ra to baba imong nasimhutan hahaha) nga Bisaya pud diay haskang ataya.

9. ”Stolen shot” kunohay sa nawng ni Venus with the hunk (pix to follow) from Fred nga dili na stolen kay ni-flash kaha!

10. Pasan ko ang daigdig starring Sharon Salonoy and Shane Alajar (hahaha ataya sa Sharon Salonoy oi) nga nahimong Fuck Train pag-apil sa mga Minor Casts namely Diyosa, aka me, and Aiza (nga Gretchen ug buhok) Susvilla.

11. Ang walay undang nga pag-ungkat sa mga pasts. Fred and Mark (Mark Philip Sandigan para sure lang ta kung kinsa nga Mark ang gihisgutan), Me and Derek, David Beckham, ug uban pa, Venus and Venus (hahaha), Sol and JMV (Jose Me Venecia hahahaha) nga natag-anan ni XAR kung unsa nga number-confident si Manong (Again, kung dili na ka Sol you know what to do hahaha and again joke lang), Mayang and (kinsa gani to Yang?).

12. (Balik ta sa MRT) Ang mga pangutana unsaon pag-paslak ang ticket sa paslakanan.

13. Again, ANG PAGKARATOL NI ODYSSA HAHAHAHA.

14. Ug dili jud ko kasabot kung nganong everytime magpanon ta unya mag-istorya ta naa jud mga Attentive!! Kana bitawng outsider nga mu eye-to-eye contact pa sa mga nag-istorya with matching tawa-tawa gamay kuwang nalang mu-apil ug share ug stories! Diba Nus?

15. Mga gross stuff like unsa’y lami sa Bilat (as per Venus mura daw’g Vetsin atay bantog ra mura kag irong boang nus hahaha), ang theory kung unsaon pagkahibaw sa asawa sa asawa ni Sharon Salonoy nga ni-exist si Sharon Salonoy (hahaha pangutana nalang Fred ha).

16. As usual winner gihapon ang Humba ni Venus (nga naa daw 3 ka versions, yati ra) nga matud pa ni Gau ikog nalang ang gipalit kay Saysinta ra ang kilo.

17. Ang never-ending chika about sa tanan nga mga nanghitabo sa High School. Kadtong time nga taas pa ang buhok ni Venus unya magpanty pa, kadtong NANIKAS ANG GONZALES SA RADIO QUIZ (mga animal pwerte pa namong gu-ola kay na-disquyalify mi haha), ug super daghan pa (kapoy’g type).

18. Kadtong naka-idea si Venus nga mag partner-partner ang mga tawo unya si Mayang ang camerawoman unya akong pares si Al, but it turned out naa diay past si Mayang kang Al, so ako nalang ang cameraman yawa oi.

19. ANG PAGKARATOL NA PUD NI ODY HAHAHA. (Sorry Princess Odyssa Punzalan ha, di jud mi ka get-over adto oi).

20. Dah wa nako’y mahindumang lain. Ka-boring adto nga weekend oi hahaha. Labyu guys! Na-miss na ta mo dayon, balik niya mo ngari Open Arms and Legs ko as usual. Pero ayaw lang dayon next month, kay as I’ve said shet nahutdan na ta ug mga chika wala na tay isturyahan unya! Thanks a lot for more bee lot!!

25 Things About Me

1. I easily get bored.
2. I’m the biggest procrastinator in the whole world.
3. I don’t understand budgeting.
4. My mind automatically shuts off when I look at numbers.
5. I love to daydream.
6. I enjoy slapstick and Tagalog movies (limited to teeny bopper and romance only).
7. I’m addicted to pasta and eggplants.
8. We are professionals, yet we are still dirt poor.
9. My dream is to publish my own literary works.
10. I can only count my blood relatives that I care about.
11. I call in sick even if I’m not.
12. It may not be obvious, but I’m actually very gullible.
13. I pray fervently but I don’t go to church.
14. I always have a soft spot for child beggars.
15. I sometimes sneak into a movie theater in the middle of a workday.
16. I’ve been dieting and trying to lose weight for 5 years.
17. I always fantasize about my significant other betraying me.
18. I can always tell the “real” aspect of a person when I first meet him/her.
19. Sometimes I really enjoy going out alone.
20. I will choose my friends over my relatives.
21. I am always misunderstood, and I always don’t give a shit.
22. I love to be the center of attention; I’m the biggest KSP ever.
23. My ultimate career goal is to be an expat even of an obscure country.
24. I am obsessed with Thailand.
25. When I was a kid, I wished to be an astronaut when I grow up.

Top 25 Outrageous High School Happenings

1. Pagbiga-biga sa Palarong Pambansa, 1st year (paging Mayenne hehehe).
2. The time nga gi-siyagitan ni Panfilo si Manivic ug tiguwang just because nahiwi ni Manivic ang armchair before Mdm. Gallo’s famous “I’ll inspect your rows..”
3. GARFIELDS!!! (Mga members, raise your hands!)
4. 1st year elocution contest: Si VALENTINO while naa sa stage nag-deliver sa iyang piece, nakatawa kay na-kuratan si JOSEPH KAROL TUMULAK niya.
5. Then pag 4th year, nihilak si JKT kay na-blockout siya tunga tunga sa Ang Huling Pahimakas.
6. Please supply kung kinsa’s nisulti ani: “UNSA MAN VENUS DILI NALANG JUD TA MAG-TAGAD ANI?” hahahaha
7. SUGARY PLANT (I forgot what the acronym stands for) and COGMO (Children of God and Marianita’s Organization).
8. Ang mga Sinco (sakto ba? Basta 2nd year) Boys nangihi sa likod sa locker kay mahadlok daw sila sa ungo. Peste this is fucking gross. Haha.
9. Remember the time, kadtong gigukod ni MARICOR si MANIVIC ug blackboard eraser while napuno ang face ni Maricor ug chalk? Hahaha
10. Si KARAAN!!!!
11. 4th year intrams: nasakpan ako, Fred ug Tonette ni Montano nga naligo sa uwan. Si Tonette niadto dayon sa likod sa locker naghilak-hilak with matching slide sa wall hahaha.
12. D Heart F. hehe
13. HAMAG!!!
14. 4th year Intrams: gi-ilad ni ODY si JESI nga gipatawag siya sa principal’s office.
15. Ang boang nga JESI nitu-o pud!
16. Meanwhile si ODY nagyaka sa grass while nag-hilak with matching ibut-ibot sa mga dahon.
17. 1st year Family Day Bingo: gi-ingan ni Tonette iya manghod “Ital imo mama ay (pointing at the mama of Celes May)”. Then naglagot si Ital gilabayan siya ug bato.
18. Ang na-igo kay mama ni GABUT haha.
19. Si Reggie nahimong escort ni Fritzie and nanguyab ni Sugar (karon mas guwapa pa siya ni Sugar).
20. Nag-boxing si Razhan ug Tonette and nag-karate si Gayle and (ambot unsa’y name adto).
21. Nag-away ang mga katawhan pag-3rd year tungod sa sayaw hahaha.
22. Madam Flores: EP AY DISKAS YU DONT LESEN EP AY GIB YU A TES YU KUMPLEN, NAW GIT WAN PURT SYET UP PIPAR WAN TU TRE!! Buhi pa kaya siya noh?
23. Whole Theater Arts Class nag-panun from Chem Lab to LEADER while tip-toing and peeking kung naa ba si Rabago. Ug sa dihang nakuratan tanan kay naa ra di-ay siya sa entrance ug ni-siyagit “Walang papasok kung hindi pa tapos ang mga invitations!”. Hahahahaha
24. Again Theater Arts class before mag-start ang Mime Presentation (bayot kayo ang title “Mima del Arte”) nagpanon while naka meimei ang mga fez sa office ni Rabago. “Miss miss sige na miss mag-start na ta…”
25. Kadtong mga nag-hire ug mga “inahan” after adtong robot robot incident. Unya safe na unta si Gabut, nikalit ug tunga iyang mama hahaha. Unya kadtong mga gi-hire nga inahan gipa-kaon ug siopao. Paging gaugau, mayang, etc

Patience is Not Just a Word

You’re in a hurry to beat your 8:00 time-in but you’ve decided to grab your 1st caffeine of the day before clocking in. When you get inside the café, the queue is longer than usual. The chatty girls in front of you decide to update each other with their late night conquests while lagging the queue before them. The barista on the other side of the counter settles on handling orders like he is handling plutonium or something, slower than slow. Then when it’s finally your turn, the cash register gets stuck, you can’t believe why it has to happen to you. After a good 10 minutes (ironically, the sluggish barista was jolted from his sluggish reverie), you get your coffee and your change and you rush outside. Then it rains like it never rained for a decade.

You are wet in places that you never thought won’t get wet when it rains. You are 30 minutes late. People stare at you like you are some alien, and you hold yourself back from explaining to everyone that it just rained. (Of course, the minute you stepped inside your building the rain stopped). When you get to your desk (you’re not even seated yet), your phone is incessantly ringing. Uh-oh you’re Devil-of-a-Boss woke up at the wrong side of his bed (you remind yourself that he hasn’t woke up at the right side for 2 decades, the wrong side is practically the right one already!). You rush to his office still dripping wet, good thing that you’re Boss don’t seem to notice your wet look (and that your nipples are practically sticking out of your shirt) but then again, you may strip naked and he won’t still notice that you are. In between his long litanies of your incompetence, and tirades of how you-waste-precious-company-time-by-neglecting-deadlines-time-and-time-again, you are still poised, your lips forming a straight line. After what seemed to be a year, you went out of his hell-hole and dry yourself up. You see the time and it’s only 9 fucking 30!

In between answering e-mails and juggling Excel worksheets and Powerpoint presentations, you get a text message (well actually you half-shrieked because your phone is in vibrating mode and you forgot to get it out of your pocket). After ignoring the giggles from your officemates you read the message. Sorry 2 do this 2u thru txt, but I found sum1 else. Hope we can still be friends, though! That jack-ass, you thought (actually you half-shouted, cutting short the giggles). For a minute you try to grasp how that person looks like because weird enough you don’t remember this person’s face. You just gave up after looking at an old photo of you on your desk - the one where you got the award for Most Patient in fifth grade.

The One That Got Away and Other Horror Stories

You will never ever forget the first time you met him. How could you, when you shared all of your firsts with him! You will never forget the goose bumps that materialized right after you saw him with a floral bouquet and a stuffed monkey for your birthday. Of course you have to bring the flowers to your office and string along your friends, saying that you have nowhere to put it in (of course you just want to rub it on their faces). Of course who will ever forget the embarrassment that you felt when he introduced you to his family! Forget that you became his family’s chauffer when they came for a visit, the fact that he was proud enough to let his mom know that you’re together is enough to make you giddy for a week (of course you can’t wait to tell all your friends). Most important of all, you will never forget the steamy sex that you always have any time of the day and it sure will last forever, or so you thought.

You will never forget the first time you caught him cheating on you. You were in bed, he was taking a bath. He left his phone and of course it’s like an open invitation for you to check it out. You beat yourself shitless when you saw indiscreet messages from more than one person. You berate whether you need to confront him about it or not. But you don’t want him to leave you lest he'll think that you’ve turned into a whiner. But your pride just won’t let it go without a fight. So you get the phone numbers of the people he was fucking behind your back. You vowed to get back on his cheating ass by having sex with these same people then a few others indiscriminately. You eventually get tired of it.

And he tells you he’s in love with you, and everything doesn’t matter at all.

But you can’t understand why everything abruptly changed. He doesn’t hang out at your house anymore. He has a lot of excuses when you invite him for dinner, movie or whatnot. And it has been a month since you both had sex. Of course the inquisitor in you has to ask him why. His answer left you bewildered – “My respect for you transcended beyond carnal feelings already”. Of course you obviously know its crap. You vowed to win him back by inviting him and his friends to your house on Christmas Eve. You cooked for 7 hours straight, you turned your house upside down, heck you even bought a new table! You fetched him and his friends at their place, fed them and sent them back home. When the two of you were left in your car, he kissed you on your cheek while thanking you. And you inadvertently blurted out “I Love You”. And he just looked at you and smiled.

5 full days passed without hearing anything from him. By then your irritation and anger has already subsided. After 10 movies, 4 re-runs of Will and Grace, and 5 paintings, you got a text from him. “Sorry if I never texted. When you said that you love me, it got me thinking. You are really important in my life. But I am still confused. This is entirely my fault but I would like you to be my friend first, best friend if you will”... So this is how being heartbroken feels like, you thought. Funny but you kind of expected tears to fall incessantly with it, but they weren’t any. He wants to visit you and tries to bribe you with your favorite food. You held your ground and told him it was a bad idea. He said he was hurt, and you didn’t give a damn.

After one full month, you met him in person. He hugged you tight and told you sorry over and over again. You did not feel anything.

Flashback

If you’re given the chance to go back to a certain part of your childhood, what will it be and why?

It’s the proverbial question that we always ask ourselves. Sometimes when we feel sad, or whenever we just feel like reminiscing. If I were to go back in time, I will choose my high school life. (Piping in – High School Life by Sharon Cuneta hehe). I guess I share this thing with most people – high school is the best period in one’s life, unless you were a loser then. I can’t ever imagine how I get by with a measly allowance, how I juggle my family drama with school and my extra-curricular activities. (Contrary to my father’s paranoia-which was the highlight of my high school life, I was never into drugs). I always cherish all the laughter and the memories that I shared with my friends then. Before the deadlines, anxiety pills, and conference meetings, me and my friends literally ran around (our school was blessed with vast football fields). If we get tired, we huddle while working our tongue muscles, while lambasting our favorite gossip topics. Whew, I will trade everything in my life now just so I’d be able to go back in high school and relive it.

So here’s to my high school barkada : Leah, Jessie, Mayang, Rhyme, Reggie, Fred, Francis, Ody, Venus, Bibi, Didi, Tonette, Lily, Jonaly, Limbee, Doris, Glenda, Brenda, Wani, Gayle, and the others – I miss you all guys!

The Last Few Months Were Pure Hell and Promises that I Wish to Commit to

Wow what a year! I just sincerely hope that I won't tread on those same ugly paths again. I lost a few "friends", but true enough I've found the real ones. What a shame! I just oughta spent my time and money with them. It could've been worthwhile.

Anyway, I should stick with the title and shit:
1. I vow to write anything (un-edited in its purest form, unless it's lifted from a source) and regularly.
2. I vow to lose weight.
3. I vow to swear off carbs.
4. I vow not to make the same mistakes that I've been doing before.
5. I will read more.
6. I will travel more no, doesn't matter where.
7. I will save at least a thousand per payday.
8. I will get the job that I want.
9. I will have the best fuck ever!! hehe
10. I will accomplish this list!!!!!

(I'm sure these ramblings are very crude, I don't give a flying fuck.