As I was staring into nothingness because of sheer professional boredom, I saw a vision. A woman clad in black skimpy shorts and tank top full of boobies and lips with an unnatural pout, rolled, crawled, catapulted and posed while carrying a gun on each hand. In a crazy British accent she shouted “Maddox!” – then I woke up from my midmorning stupor. I’ve realized that you are at the end of the spectrum of boredom when crazy visions play in front of you. So in perfect whimsical fashion, I’ve decided to go to Cambodia! (Of course the previous sentences are all farce; I just needed to write something as introduction haha).
So together with two of my close friends, Doris and Leah, we lugged our bags to the airport. Since this is the first time that I’ll be using my passport, albeit the first time I’m going out of the Philippines, I was really excited shitless. Of course I will momentarily miss our fascinating (barf) political situation, my very exciting work (bleech) and my landlady (aargh). It wasn’t my decision to go to Cambodia but Leah’s (Don’t ask me why) and Doris and her were industrious enough to plot out our travel itinerary for God help me I hate doing itineraries. Our original sole destination was Bangkok (thanks to Cebu Pacific everyone can fly; goddamit give me a discount already!!) but we’ve decided to sidetrack to Siem Reap Cambodia to see the Angkor. Personally I just want to be in two different countries in one trip. After almost 2 hours of flight delay (of course) and 3 hours of actual plane flight, we arrived at the Bangkok International Airport at 12 midnight, 1 AM Manila time. The airport itself was a surprise to me, I have to admit. I know NAIA is almost as old as Jose Rizal (or as the Angkor Wat itself) but I was frankly blown away with their airport. It was so vast, there are plenty of walkalators to the luggage carousel (of course I’ve never been to any International airports, so shut it). After we freshened up, we went to look for the exits.
Surprise, surprise! Thais aren’t really English fans. Asking a simple question like how do we get out of this lovely airport, will involve a lot of gesticulation and diagram-drawing. Talk about nosebleed galore! So after asking 2 airport guys, 2 airport officials and their boss, we’ve decided to go to the tourist information booth. At last, we met a cute guy from the limousine service booth (the information booth is scary because it was swarmed by salivating taxi and hotel reps waving their banners) who can understand and speak English. He told us that there is a free airport shuttle bus that goes outside the airport and back every 30 minutes. After a million thanks and a gazillion flirtations, we went out to look for that darn shuttle bus (note to self: next time, bring a mountaineer’s backpack instead of a humungous gym bag to prevent scoliosis). After almost being hassled by a scrupulous cab driver, the bus pulled up just in time. As vast as the inside of the airport was, the outside was a party of skywalks, roads, tunnels, time machines (haha), and whatnot. After 1 hour, the shuttle bus dropped us off to another bus terminal. From the itinerary lifted off from the internet, the quickest and safest way to Poi Pet, Cambodia’s border was to go to Aranyapathet, Thailand, then ride a tuktuk to the border. The problem at hand was how do we go to Aranyapathet? We spent almost 3 hours just asking anyone how, and found out that there were 2 options: by bus or by train. Although traveling by bus is faster for there are fewer stops, we have decided to take the train. We finally got the directions afterwards to the Hua Lamphong train station (Imagine my surprise when the people that I ask for directions don’t know what the word train means – I had to pump my arms and say choo choo only to realize that the last time I did that I have no puves yet haha). A bus and taxi ride worth around a total of 150 baht brought us to the train station. The Hua Lamphong train station was very quaint, almost reminiscent of Hogwarts. We bought train tickets to Aranyapathet; very cheap at 47 baht each. Since we have an hour to spend before the train sets off, we’ve decided to eat breakfast. Apparently Filipino breakfast will pale in comparison to a typical Thai breakfast. If we begin our day with 2 pieces of pan de sal (bread of salt) and taho (soy curd something), theirs are waaay different. Calling their stuff just porridge and soup is an understatement. Their soup was so spicy, I actually can hear my esophagus scream (and the sweet lady matter-of-factly told me that what I had was actually mild, I’m fucked). At 6:00 AM, the train was on its way to Aranyapathet, the train’s last stop.
After 6 hours, 25-30 stops, 3 piss breaks (imagine peeing at fast speeds), and a million naps we finally arrived in Aranyapathet. A tuktuk ride worth 50 baht (for the 3 of us) took us near the border. We searched for the Immigration office so we can get our visa. It was a good thing that there were a lot of precautions posted in the net regarding the manic rip-offs that were happening in the border. True enough, we almost were victimized - by police officers nothing less (I guess they were the police since they wore official uniforms). A cab driver, probably an accomplice, led us to a makeshift station where the officials gave us “free” visa cards. But for 1st timers we need to pay $30 each. That sonofabitch! Anyway, we were saved by another cab driver and he led us to the correct visa office. Guess what? Visa cards were just strewn on a table. After queuing up we started to look for the cab driver who helped us so he can bring us to Siem Reap. Since we can’t find him, we proceeded to look for other options. A man approached us and told us not to loiter around the plaza, it was off limits to tourists he said, (by the way, Cambodians are better English speakers than Thais). He then “whole-heartedly” brought us to an air-conditioned bus and promised to take us to a “taxi association”. Because of this I’ll call him Mr. Association. It is here that we met Mark Belcher (Nope I never heard him belch or anything) from London (he reminds me of CNN’s Anderson Cooper) who will spend most of his time in Siem Reap with us.
We finally got a taxi after insults, shouts, door-slamming etc. It was really very funny actually, that was the most dramatic taxi moment of my life. In the background I can hear Mr. Association shout in heavily accented English – you are the most bad tourist that I ever met – I almost choked trying not to laugh out loud. Anyway, the cab driver (he got $40 from us plus $5 tip) led us into an experience that I will definitely swear off from doing again in the future. The border to Siem Reap was a 5-hour bumpy, REALLY bumpy ride. After that, I thought I developed Sciatica and my feet switched with my hands or something. Never eat buffet before going to Siem Reap, lest you regurgitate everything that you just had. Of course empty out your poo and pee pockets, unless you want to do it in open fields (at least you give other people the chance to have something to look and laugh at), which is all you will be seeing for 5 hours! I was seated beside the cab driver while Leah asked Mark highly intellectual questions such as How’s the Queen and Is the London Bridge still falling down. Good thing ‘coz the ride made me unconscious and I fell into a shameless stupor. Doris, I’m guessing is evoking the spirit of Sadako while bobbing her head lifelessly up and down haha.
I could almost feel what Marco Polo felt, when he first set foot on land after months of traveling on a ship, when we reached Siem Reap. A free tuktuk was waiting for us at our beck and call. Our tuktuk driver’s name is Ra. Ra then dropped us off to our very Cambodian Inn named Green Village (haha I thought we will be staying at a hotel with crazy names). We had dinner after arranging with Ra so he could bring us to Angkor the next day. Agreed time was 5:30 AM so we can have breakfast while watching the sunrise.
Let me tell you about the deal with Filipino time. But then again, I’m too lazy to talk about it haha. So yeah the agreed time was 5:30 AM, big deal. Mark and Ra waited for us for an hour and the three of us got dressed in only 30 minutes! Of course we miss the sunrise, who cares? Anyway, to cut things short, we were definitely on our way to the legendary ancient city of Angkor. Prior to visiting these places, we had to purchase passes for $35 each for a one-day pass. Mark got himself a one-week pass (honestly, a week of looking at ruins is too much unless you eat and breathe Angkor). After 20 minutes of breezing (the early morning wind was so pleasant it was almost sexual) in Ra’s tuktuk we were at the Angkor Wat’s entrance. This is the best time to visit the Angkor Wat; there are few tourists yet. Most tourists at this time of day are oldies; you will definitely feel the antiquity of everything, so to speak. Before beginning the long walk inside, we searched for something to eat. On our way to a barbecue sandwich stall, we were accosted by Cambodian kids selling us spectacular state-of-the-art knick knacks like wooden bracelets and postcards. As young as they are, they are the best salespeople that I ever met. Relentless, cute, and tenacious. Of course I bought 2 packets of postcards and 2 bunches of wooden bracelets for a dollar each. Who could resist their cuteness? (For all we know they will tell each other – haha foreigners are real suckers!) After I got my purchase, the kid that I said no to went to me and demanded that I tell her why I didn’t buy from her and told me as a matter-of-factly that it was unfair. Then she shouted “Don’t come back to my city again!”, that lil’ witch!
The Angkor Wat is an epitome of Cambodia. It’s in ruins, moldy, but regal nonetheless. Ruins don’t excite me at all simply because my imagination will run wild whenever I see something ancient. I transport myself a hundred or thousand years ago and think what the structure was like, complete migraine for me! Most often than not if I see ancient temples I almost always associate them with human sacrifices and that automatically churns my bowels. I didn’t have the chance to browse in the internet stuff about the Angkor Wat, so we just had to make do with eavesdropping from tourist guides while they regale tourists with stories. The Angkor Wat sits on a vast field, I’m sure it was more than one hectare. All the walls are covered with interesting etchings of deities with legs stretched, commonfolks, animals, etc. Even the ceilings have wonderful etchings. Mark was particularly fond of the structures that guard the entrance – mythical creatures with asses as big as J Lo’s! I particularly enjoyed feeding the wild monkeys at the opposite end of the Angkor Wat, Not that I have a fascination with monkeys or anything. I just found them very cute (in fact I remember some of my friends through them haha). Doris enjoyed taking photos from her camera that we will soon learn took nothing at all (good thing I brought my phone camera). Leah on the other hand got really psyched seeing the ruins. After developing varicose veins as big as the Balete, from excessive walking, we then proceeded to Wat Thom or Bayon.
What I love about Bayon is that it’s not so vast and wide therefore you don’t have to battle it out with your varicose veins or something. Bayon’s main features are the four-faced pillars atop the entire structure. I heard it signifies that their King (or Buddha?) is always watching them, talk about trust issues! Even if the whole place is in ruins, it’s as if a giant hand carefully piled up the large pillars and had meticulously strewn them across Bayon’s once-existent courtyards. It’s easy to get lost within the tricky tunnels within the structure. Of course I never dared to play around, lest I’d be transported to a place where cellphones and television are witch gadgets. Outside Bayon is refreshing, since there were a lot of trees to block out that darn sun. (I believe in the saying – black is beautiful, but too much black is charcoal). The Angkor Wat had no trees whatsoever, so everyone was up for maximum exposure. We were about to proceed to the air balloon where we got tickets for $30 each. I was quite looking forward to it since 1, I’ve never seen an air balloon up close, and 2, I’ve never been in one. But it was still 2 PM and yeah the sun was having a grand time himself, so we decided to ask Ra where we should go next. Imagine my excitement when he said that the place where The Tomb Raider was filmed was near! Of course we have to go there!
Lesson learned – never amp yourself over something, you will be very disappointed. True enough I was. The noisy Koreans didn’t help also (don’t get me wrong I love Korean drama but never Korean tourists, they are just soooo noisy). Wat ____ is a cornucopia of ancient giant trees with roots as wide as my waist (and I’m not slim at all) intertwined with the ruins. It was as if the trees went berserk and crumbled the structure under it. Anyway we had an hour to spend before we hoist ourselves 300 meters above sea level.
In one hour I learned that Mark is scared of heights. And Mark, on the other hand learned Philippine history from the Spanish occupation to the present through moi in 1 hour. Unwarranted or not, I just blabbed until I realized I too get tired of myself sometimes haha. The ten minutes that I spent up in the air wasn’t very nice, I must say. I literally saw my life flashed before my eyes, and yeah that Korean lady didn’t help at all. I could’ve easily tripped her out of that friggin’ balloon. Good thing the view from below was so magnificent, everything became worth it. Suddenly, the cool breeze up in the air was interrupted by a funky waft of odor. Fuck it’s me! I need to take a bath!
So together with two of my close friends, Doris and Leah, we lugged our bags to the airport. Since this is the first time that I’ll be using my passport, albeit the first time I’m going out of the Philippines, I was really excited shitless. Of course I will momentarily miss our fascinating (barf) political situation, my very exciting work (bleech) and my landlady (aargh). It wasn’t my decision to go to Cambodia but Leah’s (Don’t ask me why) and Doris and her were industrious enough to plot out our travel itinerary for God help me I hate doing itineraries. Our original sole destination was Bangkok (thanks to Cebu Pacific everyone can fly; goddamit give me a discount already!!) but we’ve decided to sidetrack to Siem Reap Cambodia to see the Angkor. Personally I just want to be in two different countries in one trip. After almost 2 hours of flight delay (of course) and 3 hours of actual plane flight, we arrived at the Bangkok International Airport at 12 midnight, 1 AM Manila time. The airport itself was a surprise to me, I have to admit. I know NAIA is almost as old as Jose Rizal (or as the Angkor Wat itself) but I was frankly blown away with their airport. It was so vast, there are plenty of walkalators to the luggage carousel (of course I’ve never been to any International airports, so shut it). After we freshened up, we went to look for the exits.
Surprise, surprise! Thais aren’t really English fans. Asking a simple question like how do we get out of this lovely airport, will involve a lot of gesticulation and diagram-drawing. Talk about nosebleed galore! So after asking 2 airport guys, 2 airport officials and their boss, we’ve decided to go to the tourist information booth. At last, we met a cute guy from the limousine service booth (the information booth is scary because it was swarmed by salivating taxi and hotel reps waving their banners) who can understand and speak English. He told us that there is a free airport shuttle bus that goes outside the airport and back every 30 minutes. After a million thanks and a gazillion flirtations, we went out to look for that darn shuttle bus (note to self: next time, bring a mountaineer’s backpack instead of a humungous gym bag to prevent scoliosis). After almost being hassled by a scrupulous cab driver, the bus pulled up just in time. As vast as the inside of the airport was, the outside was a party of skywalks, roads, tunnels, time machines (haha), and whatnot. After 1 hour, the shuttle bus dropped us off to another bus terminal. From the itinerary lifted off from the internet, the quickest and safest way to Poi Pet, Cambodia’s border was to go to Aranyapathet, Thailand, then ride a tuktuk to the border. The problem at hand was how do we go to Aranyapathet? We spent almost 3 hours just asking anyone how, and found out that there were 2 options: by bus or by train. Although traveling by bus is faster for there are fewer stops, we have decided to take the train. We finally got the directions afterwards to the Hua Lamphong train station (Imagine my surprise when the people that I ask for directions don’t know what the word train means – I had to pump my arms and say choo choo only to realize that the last time I did that I have no puves yet haha). A bus and taxi ride worth around a total of 150 baht brought us to the train station. The Hua Lamphong train station was very quaint, almost reminiscent of Hogwarts. We bought train tickets to Aranyapathet; very cheap at 47 baht each. Since we have an hour to spend before the train sets off, we’ve decided to eat breakfast. Apparently Filipino breakfast will pale in comparison to a typical Thai breakfast. If we begin our day with 2 pieces of pan de sal (bread of salt) and taho (soy curd something), theirs are waaay different. Calling their stuff just porridge and soup is an understatement. Their soup was so spicy, I actually can hear my esophagus scream (and the sweet lady matter-of-factly told me that what I had was actually mild, I’m fucked). At 6:00 AM, the train was on its way to Aranyapathet, the train’s last stop.
After 6 hours, 25-30 stops, 3 piss breaks (imagine peeing at fast speeds), and a million naps we finally arrived in Aranyapathet. A tuktuk ride worth 50 baht (for the 3 of us) took us near the border. We searched for the Immigration office so we can get our visa. It was a good thing that there were a lot of precautions posted in the net regarding the manic rip-offs that were happening in the border. True enough, we almost were victimized - by police officers nothing less (I guess they were the police since they wore official uniforms). A cab driver, probably an accomplice, led us to a makeshift station where the officials gave us “free” visa cards. But for 1st timers we need to pay $30 each. That sonofabitch! Anyway, we were saved by another cab driver and he led us to the correct visa office. Guess what? Visa cards were just strewn on a table. After queuing up we started to look for the cab driver who helped us so he can bring us to Siem Reap. Since we can’t find him, we proceeded to look for other options. A man approached us and told us not to loiter around the plaza, it was off limits to tourists he said, (by the way, Cambodians are better English speakers than Thais). He then “whole-heartedly” brought us to an air-conditioned bus and promised to take us to a “taxi association”. Because of this I’ll call him Mr. Association. It is here that we met Mark Belcher (Nope I never heard him belch or anything) from London (he reminds me of CNN’s Anderson Cooper) who will spend most of his time in Siem Reap with us.
We finally got a taxi after insults, shouts, door-slamming etc. It was really very funny actually, that was the most dramatic taxi moment of my life. In the background I can hear Mr. Association shout in heavily accented English – you are the most bad tourist that I ever met – I almost choked trying not to laugh out loud. Anyway, the cab driver (he got $40 from us plus $5 tip) led us into an experience that I will definitely swear off from doing again in the future. The border to Siem Reap was a 5-hour bumpy, REALLY bumpy ride. After that, I thought I developed Sciatica and my feet switched with my hands or something. Never eat buffet before going to Siem Reap, lest you regurgitate everything that you just had. Of course empty out your poo and pee pockets, unless you want to do it in open fields (at least you give other people the chance to have something to look and laugh at), which is all you will be seeing for 5 hours! I was seated beside the cab driver while Leah asked Mark highly intellectual questions such as How’s the Queen and Is the London Bridge still falling down. Good thing ‘coz the ride made me unconscious and I fell into a shameless stupor. Doris, I’m guessing is evoking the spirit of Sadako while bobbing her head lifelessly up and down haha.
I could almost feel what Marco Polo felt, when he first set foot on land after months of traveling on a ship, when we reached Siem Reap. A free tuktuk was waiting for us at our beck and call. Our tuktuk driver’s name is Ra. Ra then dropped us off to our very Cambodian Inn named Green Village (haha I thought we will be staying at a hotel with crazy names). We had dinner after arranging with Ra so he could bring us to Angkor the next day. Agreed time was 5:30 AM so we can have breakfast while watching the sunrise.
Let me tell you about the deal with Filipino time. But then again, I’m too lazy to talk about it haha. So yeah the agreed time was 5:30 AM, big deal. Mark and Ra waited for us for an hour and the three of us got dressed in only 30 minutes! Of course we miss the sunrise, who cares? Anyway, to cut things short, we were definitely on our way to the legendary ancient city of Angkor. Prior to visiting these places, we had to purchase passes for $35 each for a one-day pass. Mark got himself a one-week pass (honestly, a week of looking at ruins is too much unless you eat and breathe Angkor). After 20 minutes of breezing (the early morning wind was so pleasant it was almost sexual) in Ra’s tuktuk we were at the Angkor Wat’s entrance. This is the best time to visit the Angkor Wat; there are few tourists yet. Most tourists at this time of day are oldies; you will definitely feel the antiquity of everything, so to speak. Before beginning the long walk inside, we searched for something to eat. On our way to a barbecue sandwich stall, we were accosted by Cambodian kids selling us spectacular state-of-the-art knick knacks like wooden bracelets and postcards. As young as they are, they are the best salespeople that I ever met. Relentless, cute, and tenacious. Of course I bought 2 packets of postcards and 2 bunches of wooden bracelets for a dollar each. Who could resist their cuteness? (For all we know they will tell each other – haha foreigners are real suckers!) After I got my purchase, the kid that I said no to went to me and demanded that I tell her why I didn’t buy from her and told me as a matter-of-factly that it was unfair. Then she shouted “Don’t come back to my city again!”, that lil’ witch!
The Angkor Wat is an epitome of Cambodia. It’s in ruins, moldy, but regal nonetheless. Ruins don’t excite me at all simply because my imagination will run wild whenever I see something ancient. I transport myself a hundred or thousand years ago and think what the structure was like, complete migraine for me! Most often than not if I see ancient temples I almost always associate them with human sacrifices and that automatically churns my bowels. I didn’t have the chance to browse in the internet stuff about the Angkor Wat, so we just had to make do with eavesdropping from tourist guides while they regale tourists with stories. The Angkor Wat sits on a vast field, I’m sure it was more than one hectare. All the walls are covered with interesting etchings of deities with legs stretched, commonfolks, animals, etc. Even the ceilings have wonderful etchings. Mark was particularly fond of the structures that guard the entrance – mythical creatures with asses as big as J Lo’s! I particularly enjoyed feeding the wild monkeys at the opposite end of the Angkor Wat, Not that I have a fascination with monkeys or anything. I just found them very cute (in fact I remember some of my friends through them haha). Doris enjoyed taking photos from her camera that we will soon learn took nothing at all (good thing I brought my phone camera). Leah on the other hand got really psyched seeing the ruins. After developing varicose veins as big as the Balete, from excessive walking, we then proceeded to Wat Thom or Bayon.
What I love about Bayon is that it’s not so vast and wide therefore you don’t have to battle it out with your varicose veins or something. Bayon’s main features are the four-faced pillars atop the entire structure. I heard it signifies that their King (or Buddha?) is always watching them, talk about trust issues! Even if the whole place is in ruins, it’s as if a giant hand carefully piled up the large pillars and had meticulously strewn them across Bayon’s once-existent courtyards. It’s easy to get lost within the tricky tunnels within the structure. Of course I never dared to play around, lest I’d be transported to a place where cellphones and television are witch gadgets. Outside Bayon is refreshing, since there were a lot of trees to block out that darn sun. (I believe in the saying – black is beautiful, but too much black is charcoal). The Angkor Wat had no trees whatsoever, so everyone was up for maximum exposure. We were about to proceed to the air balloon where we got tickets for $30 each. I was quite looking forward to it since 1, I’ve never seen an air balloon up close, and 2, I’ve never been in one. But it was still 2 PM and yeah the sun was having a grand time himself, so we decided to ask Ra where we should go next. Imagine my excitement when he said that the place where The Tomb Raider was filmed was near! Of course we have to go there!
Lesson learned – never amp yourself over something, you will be very disappointed. True enough I was. The noisy Koreans didn’t help also (don’t get me wrong I love Korean drama but never Korean tourists, they are just soooo noisy). Wat ____ is a cornucopia of ancient giant trees with roots as wide as my waist (and I’m not slim at all) intertwined with the ruins. It was as if the trees went berserk and crumbled the structure under it. Anyway we had an hour to spend before we hoist ourselves 300 meters above sea level.
In one hour I learned that Mark is scared of heights. And Mark, on the other hand learned Philippine history from the Spanish occupation to the present through moi in 1 hour. Unwarranted or not, I just blabbed until I realized I too get tired of myself sometimes haha. The ten minutes that I spent up in the air wasn’t very nice, I must say. I literally saw my life flashed before my eyes, and yeah that Korean lady didn’t help at all. I could’ve easily tripped her out of that friggin’ balloon. Good thing the view from below was so magnificent, everything became worth it. Suddenly, the cool breeze up in the air was interrupted by a funky waft of odor. Fuck it’s me! I need to take a bath!
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